Deuces are Wild #4

Howdy Neighbors, 


I hope everyone had a wonderful fourth of July weekend.  After all the booze and fireworks I want to remind everyone what Independence Day is really about.  I will use text direct from the Declaration of Independence.  And two quotes I found very inspirational and fit well with the holiday.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness."     -The Declaration of Independence-

"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it." ~Thomas Paine

"Those who won our independence believed liberty to be the secret of happiness and courage to be the secret of liberty."  ~Louis D. Brandeis

I hope that even though all of you couldn't here me reading these quotes to you, you still caught the emphasis I was placing on the key points.  Let's move on to the fun stuff.


I love that some of my readers are really getting involved with these posts, it makes it more fun for me and I will in turn try and make it more fun for all of you.  I know I am tagging some of you on facebook to the blog only because I don't know of any other way to draw your attention, so I ask two things.  One, if you stop to read my blog and want to comment, PLEASE comment in the comments section of the blog and not on facebook, this legitimizes my operation.  And two, if you read it and don't want to comment because you think it's a waste of time and it hinder your 7 hours of facebooking or porn watching time, reach up your skirt, grab a pair and comment anyway, to further the conversation but also so I can get a good idea of how many people are reading this.  A simple "Hi" or "Nice" would do.  Thanks.


MEDIA REVIEW
For this portion of my post I want to talk about two movies I saw recently.  First, I saw 'Bad Teacher' with Cameron Diaz, Jason Segal and Justin Timberlake.  'Bad Teacher' was good for a few laughs, Cameron Diaz demonstrated that Tina Fey isn't the only funny woman in Hollywood.  Justin Timberlake showed us that he is only funny when supported by Andy Samberg from SNL and the Lonely Island.  However, Jason Segal from 'I Love You Man' and 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' really proved is value as a leading character.  Jason Segal was actually supporting cast in 'Bad Teacher', he made us laugh every time.  At the end, my friends and I all agreed that the movie would have been better if Jason Segal had more screen time.  Overall a good rental if you haven't seen it yet, and by rental I mean, download it and watch it on a rainy day as if you actually rented a movie; come on, that's so 2003.
Bad Teacher          EA:  68%        CW:  35%


The second movie I want to talk about is '13 Assassins'.  This movie is from Japan and YES, you have to read subtitles.  Directed by Takashi Miike, winning a few Art House and Independent film awards.  The movie takes place in feudal Japan just as the way of the Samurai were coming to an end.  A tyrant has come to rule the region and local clans devise a plan to assassinate the leader.  To sum it up, have you ever heard of the Battle of Thermopylae?  300 Spartans take on the entire Persian Army, well in 13 Assassins; can you see where this goes?  13 Samurai take a stand against a 200+ strong army.  I think the director wanted to catch the battle in real-time, because the last 45 minutes is NON-STOP ACTION!  It was awesome, I was sweating when the credits rolled.  When I grade this I am assuming all of you can read and I won't deduct points from the movie because of subtitles, I know that's a turn off for a lot of you.  But if you haven't read a book since 'Of Mice and Men' in high school, this is worth reading the subtitles.
13 Assassins          EA:  95%        CW:  97% 


To follow up on a request from one of my most dedicated readers I am gonna add another short portion to the Media Review section, a Top Ten List.  However to make things last a little bit I will start with #10 and count down every post till we get to #1 and then explain my justification for those movies in their order.  Just a reminder, these are my personal favorites.  If you want the FAGs'(Film Actors Guild) top ten, just Google it.


TOP TEN COUNTDOWN     WAR MOVIES


#10     300 - Directed by Zack Snyder, starring Gerard Butler.  This was one of Hollywoods first attempts of turning a Graphic Novel into Film.  I think it was perfectly executed.  It was beautifully filmed and took "film liberties" in all the right places without totally discrediting historical accounts.  It was a perfect recipe of mythology, folk lore, history, art and total whoop ASS.
                               EA:  95%        CW:  72%




WHAT GRINDS MY GEARS


The Mother-F^#King Casey Anthony verdict.  America's justice system has failed us yet again like it did with O.J. Simpson, Gary Condit and John and Patricia Ramsey.  In my opinion until judges and jurors can pull their heads out of their asses, we need to adopt the Hammurabi Code. Here are some examples:

If a builder builds a house for someone, and does not construct it properly, and the house which he built falls in and kills its owner, then the builder shall be put to death. (Another variant of this is, If the owner's son dies, then the builder's son shall be put to death.)

If anyone brings an accusation against a man, and the accused goes to the river and leaps into the river, if he sinks in the river his accuser shall take possession of his house. But if the river proves that the accused is not guilty, and he escapes unhurt, then he who had brought the accusation shall be put to death, while he who leaped into the river shall take possession of the house that had belonged to his accuser.

If a man puts out the eye of a patrician, his eye shall be put out.

If a man knocks the teeth out of another man, his own teeth will be knocked out.

If anyone strikes the body of a man higher in rank than he, he shall receive sixty blows with an ox-whip in public.

If anyone commits a robbery and is caught, he shall be put to death.

If a judge tries a case, reaches a decision, and presents his judgment in writing; and later it is discovered that his decision was in error, and it was his own fault, he shall pay twelve times the fine set by him in the case and be removed from the judge's bench...

Maybe after they get a taste of cold hard justice then we can, tone it down a bit and just adopt Texas' justice system.  I understand "supporting evidence" and "innocent until proven guilty" etc... but I mean come on! Really?  Getting it this wrong, is like putting all your money on the Bengals for the Superbowl this year, knowing the NFL might not even play!  I think South Park got it the best with this parody.

Butters' Very Own Episode
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

HOW TO PASS LIFE
People often find themselves on road trips or at the very least on the road long enough to need a good CD.  Observations I have found are, that the radio in general sucks, for a couple of reasons.  First, you're limited by range and then have to go scanning to find new music, but do you stop on the first song you come across that's OK, you might be missing a better song so keep scanning, but that was the best song.  Do you remember what radio station that songs was on again?  By the time you find it again, the songs over.  The whole process just sucks.  The other reason radios suck is, commercials.  They say 50 minutes of music for every hour, but that's only counting the 10 minutes of sponsored commercials, not the 6 minutes of station identification and 6 minutes of the DJ jibber-jabbering, trying to verbally tell me what the babe of the day looks like in his foreign hillbilly tongue.  So the best alternative to radio is Satellite Radio.  I had Sirius Satellite Radio for over a year and noted two major things.  The good was, an awesome station selection with great music and no commercials.  The bad was, Sirius was ridiculously expensive, compare $96/ year for Netflix to $275/ year for music, but if you have the disposable income I recommend it.  So if Sirius is too expensive and you're tired of scanning for radio stations, that brings us to the "road trip mix-tape".


1) I hope to God it's not actually a tape or for that matter a CD.  These are playlist helpful tips.
2) Think of your audience.  If your driving to Grandma's with family, try not to play "the Hate In Me" by Mudvayne or "Fuck the Police" by NWA.  And even though they're your best friends they will definitely rag on you for life if they find out your guilty pleasure is 98 degrees.
3) Tailor your music to your destination.  The same songs you use to get amped up before your run don't have the same affect if you're trying to get excited for the beach.  That doesn't mean jump straight to Jimmy Buffet, because I will be the first person to throw that album out the window.  But, maybe some mellow Incubus, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Jack Johnson or some John Mayer are just to name a few.
4) Specific songs to avoid are Gag songs and Top Hits.  If you want top hits just turn on the radio.  Most likely you've already heard it 50,000 times too many because no body kills a great song faster than the radio.  And gag songs like Weird Al Yankovich, Star Wars Rap or the infamous FRIDAY by Rebecca Black really weren't THAT funny the first time and certainly won't be funny after you hear it for 12 seconds and laugh about it. 
5) Make your playlist 5 times longer than you think.  Often you'll find yourself skipping through some songs because what you thought was a good idea turned out not to be or the mood isn't right.  And don't forget your taste in music isn't the same as everyone else in the car.  So skipping the Peter Frampton deep track that you love so much but no one else gets is OK because you brought plenty of extra tunes.


Stay Classy. Deuces, OUT!